You already knew that Liam Gallagher was a bitter ole’ man, but you only knew the crazy extent to which he’s been leaving the sweet stuff outta his tea if you’ve been paying attention to music news lately. Last week, the former evil brother of Oasis went after Daft Punk by saying he could’ve written their hit song Get Lucky in “a fucking hour.” This week, he blessed Oasis fans with a “fuck you!” for boycotting his new band, Beady Eye. All things considered, now seems like an appropriate time to enjoy a collection of Liam Gallagher’s greatest verbal disasters. Here are 12 memorable Liam Gallagher quotes. Read them. Learn them. Use them.
12. On business and brotherly love: “I like Noel outside the band. Human Noel – that’s my brother – I fucking adore him and I’d do anything for him. But the geezer that’s in this fucking business, he’s one of the biggest cocks in the universe. June 2013
11. On Wayne Rooney: “He looks like a fucking balloon with a fucking Weetabix crushed on top. He’s better off as a skinhead, isn’t he?” (The Telegraph, August 2012)
10. Liam on Song Writing: “I don’t know what any of my tunes are about, they’re just out there. I’m not good with words. I just say the first thing that comes into my head”
9. Liam on Beyonce: “My arse is going to fuck her arse!”
8. Liam on University Students at Concerts: “Is that some fucking shitbag who’s throwing fucking lager, can’t handle a soft arse from fucking Camden town? Well get on this fucking student […] Here you are, student, if you want me to go offstage, don’t be throwing fucking pound coins. Why don’t you try and come up here and fucking make me come off? Alright dickhead?”
7. Liam on Life after Death: “I live for now, not for what happens after I die. I’m going to hell, not heaven. The devil has all the good gear. What’s God got? The Inspiral Carpets and nuns.”
6. Liam on His Favorite Hair Cut: “I don’t know I’ve liked them all or I wouldn’t have fucking had them but just the normal one, the normal fucking one, the feathery normal one, I don’t know if there is a name for it, but I like them all. I like to change it every now and again. I like the bowl cut, man, that was a couple of months ago it was a bit ahead of it’s time.”
5. Liam on Fellow Musicians: Everyone in England at the moment, all these ‘rock stars’ in England, they can fuckin’ turn like that, they’re little pussies, man. You know what I mean? They all lick people’s arses because they need their little song on the radio. That didn’t happen with Oasis, man. We did it the way we did it. And we never licked anyone’s arse. So, that’s why I don’t like a lot of these bands. And plus, I don’t like them because their music’s shit. Or once you get into knowin’ them, they make me wanna vomit, half of these kids in bands today.”
4. Liam on Being Mellow: “Yeah, I’ve mellowed, but not in the sense of liking Radiohead or Coldplay …. I don’t hate them, I don’t wish they had accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don’t look like they’re having a good time.”
3. Liam on Mumford and Sons: “They look like fucking Amish people. You know them ones with the big sideys that don’t use electricity? Growing their own food and putting barns up. I need music to be a bit more sexy and played by people who look a bit fucking dangerous.”
2. Liam on Alternate Career Paths: “If I wasn’t a musician, I don’t know. I’d be God, maybe? That would be a good job.”
1. Liam on Drunkenly Riding a Dog in Public: “That’s what rock stars do–I haven’t got a motorbike license, so a dog it is! I don’t care, mate. I really don’t care. I don’t want to be took as a ‘serious musician’ either. I find that a fucking insult. It’s boring and not colorful. I’ll leave that to some other cunt.”
Midlife crisis? Not really. Just an arrogant bitch.